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A room with cubicles, chairs and phones. One cubicle has written on it in red lipstick “Nothing Happened.” Two women sitting together. One, Amanda, seems to be choking back a sob while wiping tears from her eyes, the other, Nancy, comforts her.
Amanda
… but Nancy, it all seemed so real! The twisted wreck, those bodies strewn all over the ravine, that poor little baby shrieking her lungs out, the blood …
Nancy
Shhhh! (loud whisper) Amanda! Get a grip and get it quick! Ya want people thinking this is a psycho hotline? (shakes her) If Carl hears you raving like this, you’re gonna get canned this time for sure. And they won’t care how good you are.
Amanda
They wouldn’t …
Nancy
No? You’ve already gotten three warnings for “unprofessional manner,” which is two more than they gave Lucy before they got rid of her. And if it’s good-bye Amanda, I don’t know how much longer I’d be able to stand it here. You know they want to cut staff.
Amanda
(takes a moment to compose, becomes angry) Nancy, don’t be an idiot. Do you really believe folks will call a psychic hotline that’s answered by computers? I don’t care how good the voices are, that’s the stupidest … stupidest … stupidest … (sobs quietly, reaches for Nancy’s hand)
Nancy
(comforts her) Yeah, I suppose so, but that doesn’t mean they won’t try. You know cutting staff always scores points with the board, even if it is a total bust. And there’s so many hurting, frightened, desperate people in this world, it could take years before they exhaust all the suckers. And speaking of fraud, which I know we weren’t, you know a machine isn’t really any less psychic than we are.
Amanda
Or cold-blooded than some of us.
Nancy
Hey!
Amanda
Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. But it’s not like I can file this stuff away like it was just the bullshit on the evening news, find some little corner of my brain that I can lock and unlock like, like … I mean that woman and her children, that little baby (resumes sobbing) Nancy, you do believe me, don’t you, I mean, you’re my best friend, and …
Nancy
Welllll … I do believe that you believe it, and I see you’re in terrible pain and all, but, well, I just don’t know, it’s all so weird …
Amanda
(loudly) And the storm? What about the fucking storm? The one that pert near killed you last March? Remember that? No warning, partly cloudy and warmer, it was supposed to be, it said so on the evening news so it must be true. And if you’d a’stayed home that night instead of taking my invitation to stay over to my place, you’d be dead, crushed flatter than the woman in the ravine. What about that fucking storm? Or do you figure I caused it just so my lousy prediction would turn out right?
Nancy
You’re scaring me, Amanda. I, I, I don’t know what to think. I know you’re not quite … normal, a total nutcase, in fact, but you’re my best friend and I can’t stand it how much you hurt. I can’t stand it that you haven’t the brains to just tell everyone what they want to hear. I can’t stand it that I can’t file you away in some little nook in my head. I can’t stand it …
Amanda
(quietly) Or do you think I caused that storm?
Carl
(loudly, offstage) So when do you predict you two dykes are gonna get back to work? The masses await your cosmic insight.
Nancy
All right already! Ya know, Carl, I see great pain and suffering in your life if you don’t get off our backs. Ya never heard of a break?
Amanda sits down, puts on her headset, begins taking calls.
Amanda
Psychic Help Headquarters, how can we help with your future? … Your boyfriend? Hmmm. Let me see, does his name begin with an M, or an S, or a D? … Chuck, yes, of course, I knew that, I can see him quite clearly now … No, I’m sorry, I can’t do love spells over the phone … Sorry, no, we don’t do death curses either, not by phone. But if you stopped by our Psychic Products Outlet on Broadway and 96th, I’m sure we’d come up with something that would do the trick … You’re most welcome … Something else? … No, don’t worry, I’m sure Fluffy will come back soon, just as soon as she’s hungry … Sure, you’re most welcome. (hits disconnect, rolls her eyes, another call) Psychic Help Headquarters, how can we help with your future? … (turns red) No, I’m sorry, I think you want the Psychic Perverts Hotline … Certainly, just dial (212) 666-6782 and ask for Carl … No problem, you’re most welcome. (hits disconnect)
Nancy
Amanda!
Amanda
Well, he can’t say I never did him any favors. Next! Psychic Help Headquarters, how can we help with your future? … Yes? … Yes? … (stage whisper) Oh my god!
Lights dim, soft light on Amanda, spotlight across stage on a man sitting in a chair, staring intently ahead and picking up a telephone. Another man slowly emerges behind him out of the darkness, his hands down by his sides. He slowly raises his right hand, which holds a pistol, holds it out straight, takes careful aim at the back of the sitting man’s head, the gun recoils and the sitting man drops, that light cuts, lights up on Amanda and Nancy. Amanda shrieks, jumps back from the phone, her chair falls over.
Oh my god!!!
Nancy
Not again! Amanda, what’s wrong?
Amanda
I have to go. I have to go. I have to go …
Nancy
Huh?
Amanda
This time, even I think it’s insane. But I have to go.
Nancy
Go where?
Amanda
To stop it.
Nancy
Stop what?
Amanda
The murder!
Nancy
(slaps her, is getting hysterical herself) Murder? Oh no! Amanda! Come on, you’ve never been this flipped out. Come on, talk to me. Tell me about it. From the top, damn you. You took that last call and what happened?
Carl
(voice offstage) I warned you bitches …
Nancy
(furious) Carl, just back the fuck off. We’ll talk later! If you fuck with us right now, I swear I’ll grind your balls to turkey fodder! (quietly, to Amanda) C’mon, baby. Just get a grip. I believe you. I believe you. Just take it from the top. You took that last call and …
Amanda
(speaking fast) I picked it up but there was just this low whistling, and I saw this man and this other man killed him. This man, he … I’m sorry, Nancy. Let me try again. I get this call, and I see this man sitting in the dark, picking up the phone, then this other man snuck up behind him and shot him, but it hasn’t happened yet, I sort of know that, and somehow this time I’m involved. Maybe even responsible! I have no idea how or why, but I’m involved. Oh my god, that sounds about as crazy as … Goddammit goddammit goddammit goddammit! Why me!? Why fucking me!?
Nancy
Shhh. You heard him killed but it hasn’t happened yet?
Amanda
No, no, I saw him killed, no sound except this weird whistling, going up and down, but you know how this stuff gets all scrambled up in my head, I can’t help it. I see this stuff, like that wreck in the ravine, and I know it’s real, but I usually don’t know if it’s already happened, or is about to happen, or might happen, and then … But Nancy, this time it’s different. This time I’m somehow part of it, and …
Nancy
Look, honey, you gotta chill out. If you go some place and walk into the middle of a police investigation, then you’re part of it, for sure. But if you don’t go, well, then you aren’t. See? We learned that kind of thing in Advanced Reality 101. So what’s the big deal? You think it’s any different than if we see it tonight on TV?
Amanda
I guess I flunked that class. But for real, you gotta believe me now. It’s too late. I mean, I’m already in this. I have to go.
Nancy
Go where?
Amanda
I have no idea. But I’m sure that once I start walking, I’ll end up where I have to be.
Nancy
I don’t suppose I could, naw, I guess not. Don’t you realize … (pauses) My mistake. Sometimes I get the illusion that I’m talking to someone sane. I couldn’t persuade … (pauses) I guess not. No idea where you’re going at all?
Amanda
Well, no, not really. If you were one of our callers, I’d probably make up some bullshit like “the spirits will guide my footsteps,” but … Oh, to hell with it. The spirits will guide my footsteps. (heads for the door)
Nancy
Wait! Your job! What do I tell Carl?
Amanda
Nancy, I don’t think it matters much. There’s something real going on, and apart from you, there’s not much to hold me here. I’ve been a spectator for so long, and as you’ve so tactfully pointed out, it’s driving me mad. So I get ripped every night, work like a zombie by day, from minute to minute I keep switching from hysteria to near-comatose. But right now I’m wired real different. So am I about to be a hero? Am I walking into the arms of death? Am I a killer? I haven’t the slightest. But I’m feeling very alive, more alive than I’ve felt in a long, long time, and that’s enough.
Nancy
Will you be coming back? Will I see you again?
Amanda
I don’t know. I hope so. It’s just that so much is getting dark.
Nancy
Amanda? You do know that I love you, don’t you?
Amanda
Nancy (comes back and hugs her) I don’t have to be a weirdo to know that.
Exits.
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