{"id":2756,"date":"2016-09-05T18:15:24","date_gmt":"2016-09-05T22:15:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lifeinspice.com\/?p=2756"},"modified":"2016-09-05T18:46:10","modified_gmt":"2016-09-05T22:46:10","slug":"a-patriots-lament","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lifeinspice.com\/?p=2756","title":{"rendered":"A Patriot\u2019s Lament"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"whiplash02\"

Whipley Snidelash, public official of a very important government intelligence agency.<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

So I\u2019m kicking back on this post-hurricane Labor Day, doing what every red-blooded American does on this most sanctified of holidays.\u00a0 Nothing.\u00a0 Well, maybe I\u2019ll work up the energy to watch a couple of football games, but first I have to convince my cranky little wife Rose that we have to stand at attention with hands over our hearts for the playing of the National Anthem.\u00a0 Who says it\u2019s easy being a patriot.<\/p>\n

But then my state of blissful tranquility is disturbed by the blaring headline from today\u2019s Washington Post:<\/p>\n

\u201cU.S. investigating potential covert Russian plan to disrupt November elections<\/a>\u201d<\/h4>\n

\u201cThose dirty bastards!\u201d I cry in startled dismay.\u00a0 But yes, it\u2019s true:<\/p>\n

\u201cU.S. intelligence and law enforcement agencies are probing what they see as a broad covert Russian operation in the United States to sow public distrust in the upcoming presidential election and in U.S. political institutions, intelligence and congressional officials said.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe aim is to understand the scope and intent of the Russian campaign, which incorporates cyber-tools to hack systems used in the political process, enhancing Russia\u2019s ability to spread disinformation.\u201d<\/p>\n

Choking back my outraged tears, I read on:<\/p>\n

\u201cA Russian influence operation in the United States \u201cis something we\u2019re looking very closely at,\u201d said one senior intelligence official who, as others interviewed, spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss a sensitive matter. Officials are also examining potential disruptions to the election process, and the FBI has alerted state and local officials to potential cyberthreats.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe official cautioned that the intelligence community is not saying it has \u2018definitive proof\u2019 of such tampering, or any Russian plans to do so. \u00a0\u2018But even the hint of something impacting the security of our election system would be of significant concern,\u2019 the official said. \u2018It\u2019s the key to our democracy, that people have confidence in the election system.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Is there no hope?\u00a0 Will our childlike faith in the American Way of Life be diminished?\u00a0 Fortunately, a very official person is on the case:<\/p>\n

\u201cRecently, Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson said he favors designating the various voting systems used in the country\u2019s 9,000 polling places as \u2018critical infrastructure\u2019 \u2014 in other words as vital to the nation\u2019s safe functioning as nuclear power plants and electrical power grids.<\/p>\n

\u201cSuch a designation could mean increased DHS funding to localities to help ensure that voter registration, ballots and ballot tabulation remains free from interference.<\/p>\n

The solution is suddenly obvious, the federal government lmust take control of the entire national elections process.\u00a0 They will keep us safe.\u00a0 But alas, it may already be too late.\u00a0 The official warns:<\/p>\n

\u201c[I]t won\u2019t happen before the November elections, federal and local officials said.\u201d<\/p>\n

An impeccably reliable source, the friend of a parking lot attendant who has watched \u201cTinker Tailor Soldier Spy\u201d 17 times and is a really swell guy, warns that indeed that insidious Russian plot is under way even as we speak.<\/p>\n

\u201cHave you ever wondered how it is that the American people are faced with such a despicable pair of major party presidential candidates this year?\u00a0 Yes, it is as we have suspected all along.\u00a0 Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are both Soviet, er, I mean, Russian agents whose sole intent is to shred whatever remains of our Way of Life.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"borisStill, we must soldier on.\u00a0 \u201cStand up to evil!\u201d I cry, as the opening strains of the Star Spangled Banner waft over the airwaves.\u00a0 I look over at my even crankier little wife for words of comfort and support, but she remains firmly ensconced in her chair.\u00a0 I start to rise, but somehow my patriotic fervor has been sapped. \u00a0A fleeting thought flits through my benumbed mind that maybe that Vladimir Putin isn\u2019t so bad, my trembling knees lose all strength, and as I plop back down waiting for the opening kickoff, I mutter, \u201cOh, fuck it!\u201d<\/p>\n

Rose smiles.\u00a0 The Russians have won.<\/p>\n

\u2014 Jeff Roby
\nSeptember 5, 2016<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

  So I\u2019m kicking back on this post-hurricane Labor Day, doing what every red-blooded American does on this most sanctified of holidays.\u00a0 Nothing.\u00a0 Well, maybe I\u2019ll work up the energy to watch a couple of football games, but first I … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":2764,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[16,18,23],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2756","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fascism","category-green","category-politics"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/lifeinspice.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/whiplash02.jpg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p77v4L-Is","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeinspice.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2756","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeinspice.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeinspice.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeinspice.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeinspice.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2756"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/lifeinspice.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2756\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2770,"href":"https:\/\/lifeinspice.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2756\/revisions\/2770"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeinspice.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2764"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lifeinspice.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2756"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeinspice.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2756"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lifeinspice.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2756"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}