So today I finally finished Martha’s All-American sandwiches with her Tuna Salad Sandwich from page 19.
I made this on toasted rye bread instead of a roll and added a little bit of cheddar cheese to make it more like a tuna melt. It’s hard to say a lot about a tuna sandwich, so instead of my usual post, I present…
A Play In One Act – Me n’ Jeff Eat Lunch Setting: a dining room in a tiny home off the canal in Florida. One man (Jeff) and one woman (Me) speak to each other between bites of their tuna salad sandwiches.
Me: You know, I wasn’t really looking forward to doing a tuna salad sandwich because they’re pretty boring. But this tuna salad sandwich is really very good! I think it’s the red onion that pushes it over the edge.
Jeff: Yeah, it’s delicious!
Me: In New York, you could pay something like $7 or $8 for a sandwich like this from one of those gourmet sandwich carts. You know how I know that? Because I’ve paid $7 or $8 for sandwiches like this from those carts!
Jeff: I bet this is better anyway.
Me: Yes, I’d have to agree with that.
Jeff: Why would you pay that much for a sandwich? What a waste of money! What were you thinking?
Me: I was thinking “I’m hungry and I need something to eat!” That’s what you do when you’re hungry in New York City, you pay a lot of money to buy an overpriced sandwich.
Jeff: You’re better off with a hot dog. You can get one of those for a buck or two and there’s a hot dog cart on every block of the city.
Me: That’s living life too dangerously for me, Jeff. I’m not willing to take my chances with the hot dog carts. That water the hot dogs sit in…I have no idea how long it’s been there…or what else has been in it!
Jeff: You take your chances with the fancy sandwich carts too, you know.
Me: Look, anytime you walk down the streets of New York City there’s a certain amount of risk involved. It’s a matter of odds. I believe you stand a better chance of not getting poisoned with the gourmet sandwich cart than the hot dog cart. It’s worth the extra money to play the better odds of not getting poisoned.
Jeff: I guess you make a good point. But I still prefer the hot dogs. I’ve eaten countless hot dogs straight from the cart over the years and I’m still here.
Me: That’s because you’re very, very lucky. We probably made it out of New York just in time…before you ate the hot dog that killed you! I’d have been so mortified!
Jeff: Because I’d be dead or because you’d have to tell everyone that you married a man who liked eat at New York City hot dog carts?
Me: Because you’d be dead, of course. I’d just lie and tell everyone you died heroically saving a small child and you were killed by a runaway hot dog cart.
Jeff: Wow! I died a hero saving a child from being run over by a hot dog cart…cool!
Me: No, you were saving the poor child from eating one of those poisonous hot dogs but when you flung yourself between the child and the hot dog you slipped and the cart suddenly spun out of control and rolled away, crushing you in the process.
Jeff: You’re right, hot dog carts are dangerous after all!
Me: I knew you’d come around to my way of thinking Jeff.
Cue laugh track. Lights fade. The end.
The moral of the play is that you’re better off packing one of Martha’s delicious sandwiches with you for lunch instead of paying a lot of money to go to a gourmet sandwich cart for a sandwich that’s not even as tasty.
Or even worse, taking your chances at a hot dog cart!
